My Second-Most Embarrassing Moment

This is the story of the second-most embarring moment of my facilitation career. 

It was 2005, and I was co-facilitating an experiential learning program for at-risk 9th graders.  It was my first time working with these specific kids, and we were about to lead them through their first experience with our program.   

Stu, my co-facilitator, and I decided to instruct the kids through a playful game of tag as the first activity.  We picked a game commonly known as Angels and Demons. The main idea is that everyone chooses a person to chase (Angel) and another person (Demon) to run from.  With every group member chasing and running from other people, the net effect is a massively chaotic blob of people moving in multiple directions simultaneously.  It is fun and helps the kids burn off some energy before we do challenges that require more focus and attention.

It’s vital to the story to understand how the experiential learning world handles the titles of activities. It’s a widely held belief that the actual names of the activities do not matter.  Every team-building game or initiative has dozens of AKA’s.  For example, Stepping Stones is also known as Acid River, Swamp Crossing, Hot Chocolate, and Community Toothbrush. (Ok, Community Toothbrush is fictitious, but it was worth trying to sneak into the blog).   Facilitators often change the activity name for a particular audience or create a unique variation.   As long as the activity is appropriate for the audience and the facilitator clearly communicates their expectations, everything should be fine. 

Except when a word does matter...

I started to explain the game to the 9th graders, and I completely forgot what Angels and Demons is called.  What did I do when I was overconfident and (I believed) the details did not matter? I improvised. I look to the students with complete assurance and start explaining the instructions.

“This is a tag game called Rubber and Glue. It’s inspired by the old nursery rhyme, ‘I’m Rubber, you’re Glue.  What bounces off me sticks to you.’ First, everyone needs to pick someone else to be Glue.   Your Glue is the person you are going to chase and stay close to.  Great!  Does everyone have a Glue? Perfect!  Now everyone needs to pick someone to be Rubber.  Rubber is the person you must run from and stay as far away from as possible.  Great! Now, does everyone have a Rubber?”

No one said a word. No one laughed, no one spoke, no one moved. 

In the silence, it hit me.  “Oh, dear Lord, did I really just ask twenty middle school kids if they had condoms?”

Everyone heard and understood my blunder, but the silence was crushing. I started to panic.  I wished that a student (or even a teacher at this point) would giggle.  If they reacted, then at least I could save face by saying, “Yes, I said something stupid, let us move along with the program,” But no one did.  So I decided to just power through.  I got so flustered that I repeated it three more times before the game was over.  I looked at Stu for support, and he was off the side, howling in laugher but not helping.  Ahhhhhh!!!!!

We salvaged the rest of the program, but Stu did most of the speaking after that. I’ve never been so embarrassed professionally, except when….

To Be Continued…

Reflection and Action:

• How do you handle embarrassment in a professional context?

  • Is your strategy healthy or effective?

  • Who do you know that does this well?

• What do you think, feel, or experience when you are misunderstood?

• If you manage others, how do you handle public mistakes by your direct reports?

• Share an embarrassing story with a friend or colleague.

  • It’s fun (for them) and good for your soul!